Another Doctor Visit ...

When going into Scripps yesterday, a young black athlete had injured his foot and was hopping on one foot until they grabbed a wheel chair for him. He was a good looking tall guy, and husband told him he would feel right at home in Australia. The kid laughed and said he hurt his foot on the field when he clashed ankles with another player.

When we were leaving Scripps, another tall slim healthy looking black man of similar size was walking around and sat down on a bench nearby. Husband said "That is quite a change. Did they have a magic cure for your foot?" That young man was equally pleasant with my husband and laughingly asked if something was supposed to be wrong with his foot. (I am thinking ... Good Lord ...why does he have to talk to everyone he passes by? Yes, he does do that.) Of course, husband continues on ...and asks him ..."aren't you the guy that was hopping around on your foot a little while ago?" So he finished with ... "you sure look like him" and we went on our way. 

Just before we reached our car, there was a very heavy woman, who probably weighed literally 400 lbs walking in front of us. Husband said as she turned to go in one direction and we went another, "Man, I could park my truck in that ..." and before he finished I said, "Jerry! You have already told a black kid they all look alike and now you are going to insult a woman for her size?" He said, "I am not saying it to her." "But she can hear you ... Good Grief! Just think once in a while and don't speak what you are thinking." 

Sometimes I think it would be easier to handle this role in life if the disease was further progressed, but I guess that remains to be seen. In other words, I am going to need running shoes trying to keep up with this man since he wants to be on the go all the time but his filter doesn't work and he acknowledged yesterday that he would never have found the clinic had he gone by himself. That's kinda interesting, because the first woman to evaluate him in Charlotte, N.C. told me the FTD could go down different paths ... a patient could become pretty much mute and become immobile ...or a patient could be just the opposite and always on the go creating a management challenge. She added, "I believe he is going to be on the go." In my memory, she said that with a smile. She suggested I order business cards with a message to slip to people which reads ..."My husband has dementia...... etc." I guess that would be nicer than cards that say "He is being an a**, so ignore him." The latter is tempting for right now.~DrJ51

The Disturbed Mind ...

October 3, 2017 welcomes in another beautiful fall day in San Diego.  A sadness lingers in the air today ...a sad feeling that is accompanied by a lot of uncertainty and concern for the future of my children, their children and someday their children.  I am most bothered by the fact the media and including the people on social media are starting to politicize this horrific act of evil committed by an old man with a psychopathic personality in Las Vegas Sunday evening when he killed at least 58 people.  

I don't know when we stopped condemning the people who murder others, but a failure to hold this man personally accountable for his behavior fails society.  When a person with a disturbed mind hears that the killer is the oldest man to commit a mass shooting in the United States, and he killed the largest number of people, that confused person can process the act as being heroic in nature.  As we listen to people who are supposedly leaders in the community implying that the young people killed were probably Republicans anyway, as if it doesn't matter .... as if that makes it less of an evil act, it can actually encourage a person with mental illness to become a copy cat killer.  We have already had one killer trying to kill our Republican representatives this year who were playing on a softball field.  He even double checked with a person nearby to make sure they were Republicans before carrying out his attempted murderous act.

We have not just released our mentally ill citizens from the institutions in the United States.  We have actually forced them out of the hospitals and locked the doors so they can't get back inside even when families are trying to get help because they recognize a beloved family member needs professional treatment inside a secure environment.  The numbers of people today suffering with anxiety have significantly risen as people try to keep up in a fast paced world.  Instant communication has had a major impact on stress levels.   Most of us have days that we struggle with keeping up with the demands of daily living and especially if we are navigating a career outside the home.  When people have children, they, too are forced to get on the fast train of life.  With school, homework and after school activities which in many families are just as demanding as their education, the kids have no choice but to get on board.  We see little children today who are already beginning to develop anxiety.  There is not enough time in the day nor days of the week to meet all of the demands.  Family time with nothing to do but decompress from the day is quickly becoming a thing of the past.

And now we have mentally ill people living amongst us who can easily end up living in a state of confusion day after day.  They don't fit into the ever changing keep up or lose society.  They lose.  Too often, their mental illness is left untreated or is sporadically addressed by quick visits to a doctor's office where they leave with a prescription for medication, which may or may not be taken as prescribed.  If there are other contributing health problems or psychological issues, it is ignored.  People come and go inside the home and the people on the street pass by, and the mentally ill person soon realizes nobody sees him ... or her.   When you read about Steven Paddock, look at what you are not seeing.  His elderly mother lives in Florida.  His brother lives in Florida.  His nephews really don't know him.  He isn't married.  He has a girlfriend or roommate, but she is out there traveling the world all the time.  If he has kids, they haven't mentioned it, so I am guessing if he does, he really doesn't have a relationship with them either.  His father was on the FBI's most wanted list at one time and is being presented as a bank robber.  We are told he is a millionaire, and is an accountant.  It is not uncommon for accountants to work alone in offices unless they have additional management assignments.  We are also told he is a high roller gambler.  Not a lot of talking and interacting with others goes on in a poker game.  His brother says they are shocked and never saw any signs that this could happen.  Are we really surprised at that?  I don't think they have seen much of him for many years now.  He sure found a way to be seen and recognized.  Didn't he?

Not to be taken with a totally literal meaning, but I have done a lot of training about ignoring the negative behavior and rewarding the positive whenever possible.  Why?  Well, when working with people with serious behavior disorders, you quickly realize that they will do anything for attention and if negative behavior gets attention, then that is what they will display.  In order to change the behavior patterns, over a period of time you transition them into getting attention (rewards) for good behavior while giving bad behavior as little attention as possible.  Within six months to a year, you can change a person's thinking which can most often counter years of inappropriate behavior displays.

If Steven Paddock is recognized even indirectly for representing a political position, a mentally ill person who feels isolated from society can look at all of the attention as a way to be noticed too.  There are many discussions going on about guns right now, when we should be discussing what we are going to do about our dysfunctional mental health system.  How are we going to help families get help when they want it and know a loved one needs it?   Too often today, people are told  "we can't do anything until he does something."  Well, Steven Paddock did something.  Now it is our turn to do something about failing the mentally ill citizens of our country.

3 Life Partners ...

October 17, 2017

A man is here to bid the deck repair. He and husband had a "verbal" agreement, which legally would be called an oral contract. I was told by Jerry that this guy wants $2,000 per week plus materials, of course. The $2,000 included him and his helpers ... per Jerry. Jerry said, "He said we can stop at any time, if you find it is costing too much." 

This little experience is just one example of what changes when you have brain deficits, no matter the intellectual level. Jerry met this guy in a bar where he had stopped for a hamburger. We know nothing about him. Jerry is likable and makes friends easily, so I want you to know the man may be one of the nicest guy in the world. I hope he lives up to Jerry' expectations. I hate being disappointed when people display a lack of integrity. 

However, as Dr. Phil would say, "This ain't my first rodeo." I insisted that I want a written bid, which includes a total cost and the details of what is being done for that price. I have not a clue as to how fast he and his workers will complete a job. I do know my husband will spend two hours of their day talking to them if they will do it, and if being paid by the hour on our dollars, I can't see an incentive to doing otherwise. Can you imagine what they say? "He's nice but his wife is a b**ch." 

I hate being in the position to have to make these decisions, and I am ...both legally and morally now ...in that spot. My husband handles it well. I was a little teary eyed today while he was out meeting with the guy. I try to not let Jerry know if I am stressed or feel bad, because it stresses him so much if he thinks I am suffering at all because of his needs. So ...while I was having my self pity party, I thought I miss my life business partner so much. And then ...the realization hit me. I still have my life business partner and He is God. In fact, He has always been a partner and has answered my business prayers so many times. I had two partners for 41 years of operating businesses ...not just one ...and the one I had temporarily forgotten was my partner too is fully functioning better than both of us. He can even see the future. I am not saying this lightly. I could tell you in detail of business challenges and simply day to day duties when I would ask God to guide my decisions. He was always there. When I was headed to a hospital to meet a new potential client, I would ask for my words to be what He would have me say. When a patient was suffering, I would ask God to help us make a difference in his or her life. 

It is a beautiful day here in San Diego ... a little hot...but we have a promise of it cooling down during the weekend giving us a breakup before it heats up again next week.~DrJ51

Friday the 13th ...

October 1, 2017 ...

We have had a rather pleasant day. For the first time in weeks, Jerry felt like driving himself to Home Depot. While he was gone, I took care of a couple of business matters to include officially listing our condo at Charlotte Motor Speedway for sale. I believe we have found the perfect realtor to handle it. That has been a problem due to the uniqueness of it being at the speedway. Actually, our friend, Sid Waterman, recommended him. He is a very close friend of my husband. We have a high regard for Sid and his wife, Judy. Good people, and they are also California residents with a condo at the track in North Carolina. Sid has also had a business location in North Carolina, and he and Jerry have shared responsibilities on the the Condo Association Board of Directors. The realtor is a former race car driver, and apparently, is a successful realtor. That is the perfect combination for this assignment. 

Actually had another couple of matters arise in North Carolina but due to the wonderful and very thoughtful Greg and Lisa Price, who are handling that problem, my assignment was to applaud what they have done already in the interest of protecting us from having to deal with it right now. I am very excited about selling the condo, so I hope the perfect buyer comes along that will enjoy it as much as we have for the past 12 years. When we sell something, I feel great if the buyer is happy with the purchase and that it becomes a blessing to them. We have had a few of those perfect sales. When we traded our boat for a 10,000 square foot house in New Mexico, which we converted to a nightly rental, it was hard to tell which one of us were the happiest buyer or seller. 

The guy that bought our boat still has it here at the Marriott in San Diego. He loves it. We spent lots of hours ...summer and winter in the New Mexico house and family and friends enjoyed it too, as well as the tourists who rented it. The woman who bought it is from Texas, and she has taken it to the next level in life. She loves owning it too. When we bought the condo in North Carolina, we really didn't go to New Mexico for 5 years before we sold it. Marty would go up there skiing a lot, but we switched our second home time from New Mexico to North Carolina. Besides the New Mexico house was rented a lot, and we never turned away paying customers. 

Our tax day is Monday, since we file for extensions every year, so I had a couple of emails to send to finish up. Our tax lady expert, of course, is filing those. Thankfully, our taxes for this year (2016) are considerably less than last year. Last year, we faced an almost $100,000.00 tax bill. 

When husband returned, he had been to the grocery store, so that was fun seeing what he had purchased. Fresh vine tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, ice cream bars and ice cream sandwiches, bologna, salami, hotdogs, sweet rolls, pecan cookies, fig bars, and 3 gallons of milk. He also bought us two new hair brushes. I suspect our brushes were at least 3 decades old. Haha.

I had made pasta sauce this morning ...which had been cooking all day in the crockpot, so I cooked some spaghetti, and we had a yummy spaghetti dinner. It is sure nice to see his having a better health day. 

Overall, our Friday the 13th hasn't been bad ... just a little bad luck but mostly good.~DrJ51

Jerry's Challenge ...

October 7, 2017...

I gave Jerry a complicated math problem yesterday, and he solved it. Yet, last night he told me when he took the dogs out, he got confused for a few minutes as to where he was, so he was kind of walking in circles. He said he knew he was home, but he just felt totally confused and that he has had a lot more confusion lately. He said I need to prepare for when I can no longer "do this." I told him I am not going anywhere, and am here for the duration. He told me the time will come when I can no longer handle him and will need help. I asked him to wait for th outcome of all of his testing and medical consultations before giving up to a disease and reminded him there may be some of his symptoms which can be addressed and could help with the overall situation. He had told me this week, that he has concentrated a lot since he was originally diagnosed on mentally shifting assignments from an area of the brain that seemed to be affected to the other side of the brain. In other words, shifting what area of the brain we normally use (left brain ...for example) to the right brain. Research has shown when people develop certain brain diseases or suffer a brain injury, another area of the brain may try to compensate and become more dominant. That could cause us to believe that is partially how we end up with an idiot savant outcome in some people. I have personally met a half dozen savants in my career. It is pretty fascinating. Anyway... I would never second guess what anyone is telling me who is experiencing brain disorders of any type, but that would be quite an achievement if he could actually shift a task that is normally carried out by the left side of the brain to the right side. His neurologist told me that his entire brain is experiencing atrophy, but it is more concentrated in the frontal temporal lobe which explains why he can still perform exceptionally well in some areas and shows increasing incapability in other areas. Every professional that has seen him has recognized his superior intelligence. I am fairly convinced that he suffered a brain injury early in his life which gave the frontal temporal lobe a head start on atrophy whether it happened in service to his country or even prior to that. What I attributed to PTSD when I first met him, I know think may have been the beginning of FTD. Both PTSD and FTD can cause a lack of understanding of the behavior (symptoms)  from other people resulting in alienation from people you love. I guess it doesn't really matter anymore. We are here now, the voting is done and we will live with the outcome.~drj51

Sunday Morning Coming Down ... :-)

It is time to say Good Morning on this beautiful Sunday afternoon.  Yes, I did say that intentionally.  It is 12:30.  Our weather in San Diego County is beautiful.  I call this perfect weather.  October 1st welcomes us today into perhaps my favorite month of the year.  I bought a pumpkin yesterday just because I wanted one.  I pulled my Mr. and Mrs. Pumpkin Doll statues out of the closet and proudly placed them on the buffet in the formal dining room.  First, I put them on the table.  Then I moved them to the buffet.  This morning I eyed them while questioning if I should move them back to the table.  I hope other people hesitate on where to place their decorations during holiday seasons.

I fluffed the clothes in the dryer this morning and hang them on the line freeing up the dryer, so I could take the clothes out of the washer that Jodi had placed in there for me and replaced them with one of Pervis's bed covers.   I also dragged a trash can that had broken glass in it and other trash along the deck and then noticed it had wheels, so that was a nice discovery.  It rolled quite easily up to the main trash can area.  When washing down the deck area (Renzo's home) and watering plants, I noticed some that need clipping.  They have dead leaves and new growth.  Looked in the garage and found a wicked looking pair of clippers.  When husband got up, I asked him if those were used to cut plants and he said, "Yes," with a worried look on his face.  Haha.  He always gets that look if I am doing something of a mechanical nature.  All of this is new to me ... learning to do a man's job.  Some of it I actually enjoy, and sometimes I ask, "What happened here, God?  This isn't the way it is supposed to happen."

I whipped up a concoction this morning comprised of raw honey, red wine, Dijon mustard, garlic, rosemary, thyme, salt, pepper and a splash of cider vinegar and added a boneless leg o' lamb to the crockpot.  It will cook on low until dinner time.  Husband absolutely loved the last one, so I decided to prepare another.  I will serve it with two of our favorites .... mint jelly and corn on the cob.   I added 3 huge long carrots to the crockpot.

It seems that every time I roll my car out of the garage someone compliments it.  I think it is so nice of people to do that.  I love cars, and I love people who appreciate nice cars.  They don't have to be expensive to be attractive.  I have always been fascinated with the fact that people choose so many different colors.  Sometimes you see one on the road and wonder now how did that happen.  You just can't imagine someone standing there saying "Oh Honey.  I love that one."  Haha.  I have seen some really attractive colors out recently.  Oh ...and yesterday... coming off the off ramp at Greenfield a guy in a really hot looking brand new Dodge sports car pulled in front of me in an obvious hello way.  Okay ...you think so?  So we both sped down the off ramp.   We both had to stop for the light before turning right.  He was in front, of course, so he did and then stepped on it.  I followed suit pretty much doing the same thing, so before we got to the next light we were bumper to bumper again.  The good news is he went straight on Greenfield and I turned left on to La Cresta Road.  I was hoping that would happen, because I would not have raced him up the hill.  I don't road race and my only playing with a muscle car happens at a light when it is totally safe ...and a very brief run usually about 4 car lengths.  It seems all of the muscle cars want to challenge the Maserati.  I think they want to be able to brag about winning over a Maserati  with a Ferrari engine in it... a testimony to their car.   So my Maserati and I are like the biggest and best looking guy in the bar who sits quietly and leaves with dignity whereas the other "guys" open their mouths ...flex their muscles ...and publicly display a lack of brains.  :-)  I always liked those quiet ones if they had brains and were not just being quiet because they had nothing to talk about.   My honey was one of those quiet guys even after my boss introduced him to our table full of women when I first officially met him.  Sometime along the way of 42 years together, he stopped being the quiet guy and became a happy talker.  I can't imagine him sitting quietly in a bar now.  He would be talking to someone.

Well...speaking of him, he is ready for his Cream Of Wheat "breakfast."  ~DrJ51