A "meant to be" morning.....

There are some days when you know at the end of the day it was meant to be even if you don't know why yet. My morning was going by so swiftly on July 9, 2010 and from the moment I opened my eyes, I was trying to figure out a way to get out of a walk at the lake with one of my very best friends. Jerry was going to go with her husband, Starr in the helicopter at 8 AM, so I gently tapped him on the shoulder and said.. "It's morning, Papa." When our 2 year old granddaugher stays overnight with us, she wakes up first. She quietly and patiently waits for one of us to open our eyes, and the moment that happens she softly says "It's morning, Nana" or "It's morning, Papa." We both love the way she says it but most of all, we love it that she is so joyful in greeting each new day. This morning, however, I went back to sleep and soon, it was "Papa" telling me that morning had arrived. I made a quick decision to just stay in bed for as long as possible and started thinking of several excuses I could give Joan as to why I could not go with her on our weekly walk.

Jerry took the bulldogs out and the next sound I heard was the shower. I knew I couldn't lay in bed and not be there to see him out the door and wish him a fun time with his best friend, Starr. As much as I hated to do it, I got up and went into the closet to grab a robe. I decided I didn't want to wear a robe and instead pulled a knit vest over my pajama top believing it would be enough to stave off the cool San Diego morning. When I came downstairs I realized I did not prepare the coffee pot the prior evening, so there was no coffee waiting for me to arrive. I hate it when I forget to make the coffee. I quickly made a pot of coffee and by this time, it was time for Jerry to leave. We kissed, said good bye and I love you to each other, and he left.

By this time, my coffee was done, so I poured myself a cup and sit down to carry out my morning routine after peeking at the calendar I keep on the refrigerator that reminds me of my daily responsibilities. I check the bank accounts daily to make sure nothing strange is going on with them. Then I check my email to see if anything needs immediate attention. Finally, I check out my Facebook messages and usually watch Rachael to see what she is cooking followed by the View, which I call the liberal bitches' show. 11 AM becomes my signal to take a shower and take care of whatever has to be done on any given day. I love it when husband goes flying and I can get a lot more accomplished without interruption. It is unusual for him to go flying on the same day I schedule for my morning walk with Joan. I hope that doesn't become a habit, because it will mean the bulldogs have to be left in their big cage outside instead of having the comfort of air conditioning. We have had a very cool spring/summer this year setting low temperature records, so fortunately, it isn't that big of a deal to leave them outside for a few hours now. When the temperatures rise, I may have to change my schedule.

This would be my third week of walking every Friday with Joan, one of my very best friends in San Diego. I had asked her if she would help me get into better shape by walking with me. My purpose is to make sure I maintain the good health I have and to improve on my endurance, so that I can be sure to keep up with Jerry as his needs increase over the next few years. Jerry has FTD and Alzheimer's. Fortunately for us, his symptoms of the FTD are well controlled by medication for now and the Alzheimer's is an early diagnosis, so the symptoms are in the very beginning stages. We can still enjoy our life together, but I am finding that I have more responsibilities to meet these days as I pick up more of his former duties. Walking is a great form of countering depression, and if at all possible, I prefer to get reacquainted with nature to combat depression when at all possible.

The first 17 years of my life...or at least the first fifteen years of my life were spent with nature serving as my best friend. Growing up in such a remote area with no other children close by meant that my entertainment was all that nature had to offer on a farm near a river and woods in Southern Illinois. Joan has kept her relationship with nature all of her life. She hikes, skis, plays tennis and always makes the outdoors a part of her activities throughout the year. I also love spending time with Joan and can share just about anything on my mind with her. I knew it would take a powerful motivator to get me out of my prefer to be a hermit lifestyle that I have been developing for the past five years. After Jerry's diagnosis, I really pulled the covers over my head and tried to hide from the world. It was time to move forward, and there was no way I would stand Joan up if I had a date with her.

When I arrived at her house, she was on the phone and a house guest had just arisen. She said, "Hi, I am Lukie." I liked her right away. She is just one of those people that you feel is comfortable with herself and doesn't have any BS to try and pass off to you. When Joan asked her what she was going to do for the day, she said she thought she would hang out with her sister. I then realized she didn't have any plans, so it would be fun to have her join us. It is quite out of character for me to ask her to join us, because I am most often reserved with strangers but I encouraged her to come along with us. I was watching Joan to see if she would mind and I could tell that she was very happy to have her take our walk with us. It was a fit. Joan drove us to Lake Murray, and it was a beautiful day for walking as evidenced by the number of people already walking and biking around the lake.

I soon learned that Lukie had lost a 16 year old daughter four years before in a tragic car accident and that was followed only a few months later by the loss of her husband in a motorcycle accident. She had since remarried while trying to survive her deep emotional pain and was starting to move forward with her new husband when our country's terrible economic state tooks its toll on their family. He was laid off. Lukie had traveled a lot of challenging roads in the past four years of her life. I knew she had to be filled with wisdom as a result of her experiences. She, Joan and I talked and walked and shared our feelings about life and surviving challenges. Soon I had walked further than we had ever walked before and decided since I had to walk back, we should probably turn around. In some ways, I just wanted to continue and walk around the whole lake that morning. I wanted to talk forever with my delightful companions. Joanie, Lukie and I went to D Z Aikens where we all ordered the lox lunch plate and then returned to Joan's where I picked up my car and returned home.

I was reminded that conversation will be an important part of my life as I go forward with Jerry and hold his hand while he slowly slips away from us. I can't hide behind Facebook and believe that is the way for me to communicate. Jerry can't carry on long conversations with me anymore, and that has been one of the most enjoyable parts of our relationship together. We have always loved to share information, hold long discussions on just about any subject, try to convince the other of a given position on any topic, and expound upon "what if we did this or that." I guess you could say we talked for hours about what is happening in our lives, what is happening in others' lives, and what could happen in our life together. Ironically, Jerry was always concerned about my health. We both thought he was quite healthy.

I realized while walking at the lake that Nature is going to be one of my newest best friends. Nature is going to help me help Jerry, because walking is good for Alzheimer's patients in the beginning stages. Nature is going to be an effective anti depressant for me as long as possible. Nature is a healer. I knew that 50 years ago when I was fifteen. Why did I ever abandon Nature? Thanks to Joan who answered my request to walk with me and to Lukie a woman who is just passing through my life for a couple of hours...I am reminded that one should never lose the essence of who they are no matter how much they love another nor how busy one's life may become. Jerry would never have kept me from my love of Nature. I just never told him how important it was for me to make it a part of my daily life. Yeah...some days are just meant to happen.